Will I see you again?
by Rouss7
Summary: Sara, an ordinary girl from our world, appears, suddenly, in the universe of the Doctor. Will she be able to handle everything which is going ot happen to her? Will she ever be able to come back home?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: the characters of the TV series Doctor Who don't belong to me, they belong to the BBC, my only character is Sara.

Important note: I imagined this ff before I started the eighth season of the series and having seen only 4-5 episodes of Torchwood. If there are any incongruences (which will be), I hope you forgive me! :)

This ff is a way to tell the doctor everything I would have liked to tell him. Maybe you don't share my opinion but I hope you like it! :)

This is a translation from my own work with the same name written in Catalan.

**Chapter 1**

The story I'm going to tell you took place a long time ago, there are some details that I forgot and, surely, I will miss some things, excuse me, but the age is the age and since then everything has happened. There are mysteries that I could clear up but, unfortunately, there are some enigmas which remain dark even for me. I think it was the year 2014—at least for me, at that moment, it was. I was just 20 years old and I was in college studying translation. My life was peaceful, I used to live in a small town in Spain I had basically two passions: cinema and series. Some would say they were almost obsessions, but screw them.

It was summer, I think, at night. I was driving back home as any other night when, suddenly, an intense white light appeared in front of me. Instinctively I closed my eyes and I tried to stop the car. I waited for a hit or a jerk or something, but I didn't feel anything. I must have fallen asleep or fainted, I'm not sure, this is one of the riddles for which I've found no answer, and I don't think I will ever find any. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and finding myself laying on a grassy floor. There was a road next to me where I saw lots of cars and I could see quite far from me a big city. It wasn't night anymore, I didn't know how long I had been slept and there was no sign of my car. And, what's more, that landscape was not, by any chance, Spain. I was lost, alone, I didn't know where I was or what had happened. I had no money, only my cellphone. My cellphone! I took it quickly from my pocket… and there was no signal, of course, it would have been too easy! Since the city was still too far I decided to go walking in that direction and hitchhike.

It was much easier of what I though and, luckily, the driver who stopped was a girl who seemed reliable. I started talking to her in Spanish but she looked at me surprised and said to me in English that she didn't understand me. I was the one who didn't understand anything! What was doing an English girl near…? near wherever, actually. I started to talk to her in English and since I knew she wouldn't believe the car thing I told her I was in a tour and the last car left me in the lurch.

—Sorry for this obvious question but what's the city we have in front of us?

—Cardiff.

—Cardiff! Of course, of course…

—Where do you wanna go?

—Hmmm… Could you drop me off near the biggest public library?

So, I was definitely not in Spain anymore, but how did I get to Wales? And the car? And why it was daytime if a moment ago it was nighttime? All of it looked like a weird Doctor Who episode. I decided to go to a library so that I could know at what day I was and if newspapers talked about something odd enough to link with what happened to me. The girl dropped me off in front of the central library and wished me good luck for my trip; I would need it, indeed. I got in and I asked where I could check newspapers. I was told that I could do it in the computers. I found a free seat and the second surprise of the day didn't took a lot of time to arrive: it was the year 2007.

That was impossible, I quickly asked the guy in my left for the date: "excuse me, what day is today?" "January 30th" "of what year?" "2007" answered me puzzled, and it was normal, it was quite a weird question. So the computer worked well, it was the year 2007, I had travel in space and time. But how was all of that possible? Was I dreaming? I must have had an accident and I was in a coma and all of that was a creation of my mind. I decided to continue looking up the newspapers and I found an article from a yellow-journalism magazine about aliens and, suddenly, the craziest idea came to my mind. I started looking for news about London from 2005 Christmas and everything was there: daleks, cybermen, the star-shaped ship, the ship destroyed by a laser… I was so shocked I couldn't close my mouth, it was completely mad. All of that was Doctor Who, it was exactly Doctor Who. I was sure, I was in a coma and all of that was a creation of my mind. Or at least I thought that until my neighbor dropped a pile of books over my hand and I cried of pain. No, it was totally real.

"Ok, let's think all of this with perspective: I'm in a parallel universe and here the Doctor is real and daleks and cybermen and weeping angels and Rose and Donna and Martha… But how did I get here? And where is my car?" Hundreds of ideas passed through my head and I was getting more and more nervous. I started to breathe really fast and I realized that I acting like that was pointless. "Sara, come on, think! You have seen all Doctor Who seasons and almost the first season of Torch… Torchwood! Of course, if the Doctor exists, then, Jack too!" I searched for how I could get to Wales Millennium Centre, luckily one of my hobbies was to look for the scene-settings. I went there and I did the same thing as Gwen in the first episode. I went to the pizzeria and I asked for Torchwood. I went there and I called. As I was expecting, Ianto opened.

—I'm here to see captain Jack Harkness—I said firmly.

—I'm sorry, but there's no captain Jack Harkness here—he answered calmly.

I couldn't believe what that guy was saying. The last thing I needed was that, I had seen enough to be certain that Jack existed in that universe too, I mean, Ianto was right in front of me. I had to talk to Jack whatever it took, he was the only one who could help me.

—Look, I think you didn't understand me, I've said that I've come to see captain Jack Harkness—I repeated slightly angry.

—I told you, ma'am, that there is no captain Jack Harkness here—that was it, I couldn't stand it anymore.

—Look, Ianto, don't mess up with me, you have no bloody idea of everything that happened to me in the last hours, I know there is a captain Jack Harkness, I know I'm in Torchwood, I know what you do, I know who the Doctor is and I told you that I came to see Jack!—I yelled.

My screams must have alerted them because just then someone opened the door and there he was: Captain Jack Harkness, or John Barrowman in my universe. That was too much to be real. "Come with me", he told me very serious. He took me to the underground offices where everybody stared weirdly at me and we continued walking to a place that looked as his study. He sat behind a desk while I stayed stood in front of him.

—Who are you and why do you know us, me, Ianto, Torchwood and the Doctor?—I was completely nervous and I didn't know where to start so I went to the beginning. I was speaking really fast and I wasn't sure that he was understanding everything, my English was not perfect.

—Here I go. My name's Sara, I'm 21 years old and I'm from Spain. But not from this universe, I come from another one. I don't know how it happened, I don't know why, the only thing that I know is that a few hours ago I was in the year 2014, in summer, at night, I was coming home by car and a shining white light appeared and suddenly it was daytime, cold, in January 2007 and I was in Cardiff and aliens are real and the Doctor is real and daleks and cybermen and you and Torchwood and I don't understand anything that happened and my family must be worried because I should have come home hours ago but I can't come back because this is another universe and… I can't come back home—I stopped talking, staring off into space. I didn't realized of how impossible it was to come back home until that moment, not even the Doctor could travel between universes—I… I can't…come back…home.

My eyes were wet, I fell to my knees crying, I couldn't stop, nor was I trying. What if I never saw my family again? What if I never came back? What about my parents? And my friends? And everyone I knew? My life, everything I knew… When Jack saw me in that condition, he came by my side and hugged me.

—Don't worry, we'll fix it—he realized that none of that was my idea; that I knew as much as him about what was going on—you said you knew the Doctor, you must know then that he can help you.

—No, he can't, he can't travel between dimensions, if he could, he would have already gone to see…

—To see who?

—I can't tell you—suddenly, I was scared, I couldn't talk too much. I had to be aware of what I said.

—What? Why?—he asked suspicious.

—I don't know—I said softly. I just realized that I knew things about their future and if I had learnt something from Doctor Who is that once you read the future or you say it out loud, it will happen; and, for now, I should be careful—in my universe, all this; you, the doctor, Torchwood, everything, is a TV series, a science-fiction series. In my universe there is no timelords, aliens, daleks or secret organizations as this one. All of that is science-fiction. I know everything that happened to the doctor, I know things that will happen, but I don't what could happen if I told you. I'm not saying anything I know until I find the Doctor and talk to him—I said certain of myself. Little by little I calmed down and I stopped crying.

Jack was still by my side, assimilating everything that I had told him. Would he believe me? We were in that position for a while, quiet, until he spoke.

—You can stay here.

—What?—I asked confused.

—You have nowhere to go, this is not your universe, and we don't even know if you exist in this universe. You have no money, no ID: nothing. Stay here, in Torchwood, we can improvise a room for you and create you an ID.

—Would you really do something like that for me?

—I can't say no to a beautiful girl—he said winking.

—Don't be silly—I said with a little smile, the first one since I had the car "accident."

—One question… If you know what will happen to the Doctor and what has happened to him and about Torchwood… Do you also know what's going on with me? Do you know I can't die? Do you know why?

—Yes, I know.

—But you won't tell me, right?—he said with a sad smile.

—You'll know it in the right moment.

—And do you know anything about my future?—he continued asking.

—I know a lot of things about you, but you will have to figure it out by yourself.

—I guess you're right, what is life without some mystery?—he said smiling again—ok, stand up, we have to think where to put you new room and create a new ID for you.

—Can I ask you something else, Jack?

—Shoot.

—Can I work with you?

—What?

—Well, after having seen the whole series of Doctor Who and part of Torchwood, I can say I know a couple of things about aliens and I could help you. I want to feel useful until we find out how I can come back to my universe.

—That's a good idea, it's always good to have someone else in the team. Come, I'll introduce them to you.

We came back to the room where the computers were and we found all the members of the group talking about me.

—Well, since I see you are really interested in knowing more things about this girl with a lot of temper and a funny accent, I'll tell you some things about her: she's Sara, she's from another universe and we don't know how she got here, but she knows about aliens and she will stay with us until we get to bring her back to her world. Sara, they are Gwen, Owen, Toshiko and I think you already know Ianto.

—Yeah, I'm sorry about the yelling, I was slightly nervous—I said with a shy smile.

—And now, if you excuse me, I have to make her a new ID and look for a spot to put her room. Oh, yeah, she'll live down here, don't worry—he answered seeing their surprised faces.

And this is how the biggest, weirdest and unforgettable story of my life started.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

My life changed fully. They created me a new ID because it was likely that there was a version of myself in that universe. Luckily, they let me choose the name and I decided that from then on I was "Olivia Rose Tennant." Yes, I know it's not the most beautiful and original name ever, but I didn't have much time to think about it either.

I started to live in the offices of Torchwood and to assist them in some cases, although most of the time it had nothing to do with aliens and I wasn't really helpful. At the beginning, I felt quite useless, everybody knew about biology, forensics sciences and a hundred other things while the only think I could do was speaking a couple of languages. Little by little, I got closer to Jack and it is normal, he lived down there too and we spent a lot of time together. He became my best friend, someone on whom I could rely. During the first months, I really missed my old life and he always tried to make me think about other things and laugh. He was the best thing that could have happened to me, he was always by my side and he never lost hope. Moreover, every time we had a break, we searched together for some way to bringing me back home or, at least, for finding out how I arrived there; but it was impossible, nothing made sense.

After being a while in Torchwood, I decided that I had to learn self-defense and how to shoot because more than once it was a problem the fact that I couldn't protect myself. Jack agreed with me from the beginning and he offered to be my teacher. It took me a while learning how to shoot, and even more to aim, but he was really patient and he didn't stop until he was sure I could defend myself in front of any threat.

Quite soon, Torchwood became my second family and Cardiff my second home. Everybody took care of me because I was the youngest one. I learnt a lot during that time and I felt really happy with them, but the more days went on, the more hopeless I felt. I needed to find the Doctor soon, I knew it was going to happen but it looks as if the moment never really arrived.

I asked several times to Jack how he could locate the Doctor with the hand he lost when he was fighting the Sycorax, but he never explained it, he just told me to trust him. And, when it was six months that I was there, the moment arrived. I remember Jack running around the offices of Torchwood calling me: "Olivia! He's here! He's in Cardiff!" He was carrying the container with the hand of the Doctor and me, remembering how in that episode Jack arrived just in time, I took my coat and ran.

I saw far from me the police box and how it started to disappear, I couldn't let it happen, I had to talk to him. I wasn't sure if I'd ever have another chance to speak to him.

—Doctor! Don't you dare to disappear! As Olivia Rose Tennant in this dimension, I won't let you leave without talking to me first! If you don't do it for me, do it for Rose, because I could be the solution you've been looking for!

I shouted with all my strength and more angrily than I wanted to, but it worked. The TARDIS appeared again and a furious Doctor came out directly toward me, he took my shoulders and said:

—Who are you? How do you know Rose? What do you mean that you could be the solution? There is no solution!

—I'll just talk to you in private—I said very serious and looking in his eye while breathing heavily because of the running.

As soon as I said that, I turn back and went to one of the benches. He followed me and told Martha to stay in the TARDIS. We both sat. He was serious and I, although I was trying to look calm, I was more nervous than ever. I had in front of me the Doctor, he was real and was there.

—Explain yourself—he said curtly. I took a breath and started my story.

—In this world, my name is Olivia Rose Tennant, and I say in this world 'cause I come from a parallel world. I arrived here six months ago and since then I've been helping Jack with Torchwood. I don't know how it happened, all I know is that I was driving home in a summer night 2014, a white light appeared and when I opened my eyes I was in Cardiff 2007 with no sign of my car. About Rose, this is a bit weirder: all of this, all your life, is a science-fiction TV series in my world. That's why I know what happened and what will happen, at least about you. I've been waiting for you all this time because if there's someone that can help me is the last of the timelords.

The Doctor seemed calmer, he listened to me carefully and was absorbing all the information.

—I can't do anything to help you—he said averting his look with a sad expression—one can't travel between parallel worlds, at least, it's impossible now. The universe would collapse. If it were possible, I would have already done it…

—I know—I answered making him looking at me confused—if it were possible you would have gone looking for Rose.

He looked at me confused but then he made a sad smile and sighed.

—She's a great girl…—I started saying—I'm sure she's looking for a way to come back by your side. If I believe in one thing, I believe in her—he looked at me puzzled realizing that I was quoting him—if this helps you, I think that she will never stop fighting, that she will never give up. Especially after all you've done for her. When you met her, she thought that she was an ordinary person without anything special, that she would spend all her live working as a sales assistant and living with her mom. But you opened her eyes, you showed her the stars, the planets and the universe and you made her see that she was everything except for ordinary; that, in fact, she was probably the most brilliant person of the universe. Or at least, that's what I think—he looked at me grateful and, after a while quiet, I spoke again—there's another thing I wanted to ask you: taking into account that I know things that will happen, what should I do? Can I say it or would it be a huge catastrophe? 'Cause if you knew a couple of things, you could avoid some miseries…

He didn't answer, he just smiled and looked down. I didn't need him to say anything, I understood it.

—Things will happen as they have too… Bloody fixed points!—I shouted frustrated. He looked at me confused but this time also amused—Yes, I know everything about the fixed points in time that cannot be changed while there are others more flexible. I know it quite well, but… I don't want the future I know, I don't want it at all. And I don't wish you many things that will happen to you—my eyes were wet only with the thoughts of all the sadness and goodbyes he hadn't lived yet. What if I could save him from all of that? I was quiet for a while and I realized that, despite how much I wanted it, life is like that—things will happen as they have to…—I repeated—I don't know how you can be so eloquent without even open your mouth.

He smiled. That smile. I've always liked that smile.

—I love your smile. Really. I've always thought it: it gives hope to people who lost it, strength to the ones who are going to give up and it makes smile the saddest ones. Never stop smiling, please—he continued smiling and after a moment of silence he asked curious:

—Will I ever see you again?

—I don't think so. I shouldn't interfere in your story, I don't know how this could end.

—Then, I guess, see you never—he said shaking my hand.

—Yeah, see you never… But, first, bring Jack with you, you'll need him—he looked upset.

—Why?

—Spoilers! Just, trust me—I answered with a smile.

We stood up and we hugged as goodbye. It was quite strange, it was the first time I talked to him but I felt as though he had been always my friend. Did everyone feel like that when they met the Doctor? He came back to the TARDIS and I talked a moment with Jack before they left.

—Don't you wanna come?

—Nah, I think you'd be better without me. But, before you leave, I have to tell you something. The Doctor will have something that a friend told him, this friend is you, in the future, but he doesn't know it yet. I'm just telling you this so that, when the moment arrives, you don't forget to tell him. Oh, and get ready for a harsh year.

Jack looked confused to me but he didn't have time to ask me anything so he came into the TARDIS waving his hand. Now I the only thing I could do was waiting, because the next months wouldn't be easy. I came back to Torchwood and told the team that Jack wouldn't be back in a while. During the next months, a name started to be famous around Great Britain: Harold Saxon. I knew it wouldn't end well, but I couldn't do anything either. I was afraid, I knew how the year ruled by the Master would be: fear, death, destruction. I tried to calm down saying to myself that I wouldn't remember anything, that it would be as if that year wouldn't have existed, but I couldn't help being scared. And, suddenly, one day I woke up and Jack was there. I smiled.

—How was this year?—I asked.

—What?—he said very confused.

—I know that, actually, there's been a year since we last saw each other, that the Master ruled the world, that a lot of people died but that Martha, in the end, beat him.

—Just the ones who were in the ship should know that—he said puzzled.

—Well, there's always the exception of the girl from the parallel world—I answered amused.

—That's cheating—he said smiling.

—Did I survive?—I asked suddenly.

—What?

—Did I survive this year?

—Yes—he said stopping smiling after a moment of silence.

—How do you know it?

—Martha told me.

—Are you lying?

—Why should I?—I smiled again—but, why are you asking that?

—Because now I know that I would be able to survive by myself—he smiled with me then.

—I hope you'll never have to do it again.

—Me too. I've missed you…

—Me too…

I don't know what I was thinking, I just acted: I took his face with my hands, closed my eyes and kissed him.

And we spent two more years like that. We did not have any other contact with the Doctor and Torchwood continued with its missions. I lost almost all hope of coming home one day and I got used to that world, to the aliens, to the Doctor and to Jack. But, obviously, the moment when the Daleks moved the Earth to the end of the universe arrived and I knew that it was then when the Doctor would say his final goodbye to Rose. I knew I couldn't interfere, that I couldn't say anything. That I couldn't tell him that she had found him, that I couldn't tell him everything that would happen to Donna, that I couldn't do anything to help him. When the Daleks arrived, Jack and I had a long talk and we decided that the best thing I could do was going to one of the refuges in Cardiff. He said I would be safer there, but I wasn't completely sure.

And the Doctor saved again the universe and again no-one thanked him. No-one knew that he had to say goodbye for the second time to one of the person he cared the most, and that he had to live knowing that he would never see her again. I couldn't stop thinking about it. But, clearly, there was no time for those things because we weren't safe yet, because the Master would attack again. When next year, in Christmas, I saw that the face of Joshua Naismith appeared everywhere I knew that it was the last Christmas of the tenth Doctor. What I didn't know is that, after defeating the Master and absorbing all that radiation to save Wilfred obliging him to regenerate again, he would come to me to say goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I was coming back to Torchwood after doing the groceries. It was cold and the sky was completely cloudy. It was kind of a sad day. I remember that I had been feeling depressed all day long for no reason at all, maybe it was a presentiment. I was still far from the Wales Millennium Centre and I saw him then, in a corner, looking straight at me. My heart skipped a beat. When I was close enough I realized he was very serious.

—Doctor…—I said with a tiny voice.

—Hey…

—You're about to regenerate, right?

—Yes.

—Then I guess this is the last time I see this face.

—Yes—he repeated without changing the expression on his face.

We were in a narrow street in front of the TARDIS. We both were sad and we didn't know what to say. I left my bags on the floor.

—Did you come to say goodbye to me? –I asked with a sad smile. He nodded—Thank you… —I felt how tears arrived. A bunch of feelings were inside of me: sadness because I was living again one of the moments of the series that touched me the most; gratitude because he thought about me; despair for all that was going to happen. I was living one of the episodes that affected me the most and I didn't know how to react. After a while of looking at each other, we decided to talk, this could be my last chance to tell him everything I always wanted to tell him—can I ask you a personal question, Doctor?

—Shoot.

—Rose… —I started to say, but I stopped, I didn't know how to go on. I saw the pain in his face even if he tried to conceal it looking away—After you put the Earth back to its place…I know you had to bring her back to Pete's universe, I know that you had to say goodbye forever a second time—at that moment I couldn't stopped my tears and I saw that his tears were about to fall too—I know she had to choose and I know what you said to her… My question is, do you love her? Was it that what you couldn't say the last time?

—Does it need saying?

—Don't you dare!—I said frustrated and with my face completely wet—I was angry enough the first time I saw it, you should have told her! Answer me!

—Yes—he said with a sad look. We were both quiet for a while looking to the floor until I spoke again. There were so many things I wanted to tell him but I didn't know how. Tears continue falling and I felt helpless.

—Can you make me a favor? —I said finally.

—Anything.

—Don't forget me, don't forget me or Rose or Jack or Martha or Donna or Mickey, anyone. Please, don't forget us.

—Why would I do that? —he asked puzzled.

—Let's say that you next regeneration tends to forget…

—What? I don't understand—he insisted.

—I don't wanna say it—I started saying trying not to look at him—I don't… I've seen enough of your adventures to know that if you say something you know about the future, then it's settled and maybe… just maybe, if I don't say it, it won't happen and I will be able to change this little part of the future, just this part…

—Olivia…—I did look at him this time and, as always, he didn't have to say anything to make me realize that the future is the future and, as much as I didn't like it, it was going to happen.

—You… You won't see them again. You won't talk about the people you met with this face. You will meet a lot of people that you'll love, but you will never mention them. It will be as if the two last regeneration never happened. You will even find UNIT again but you won't ask about Martha… And that is what hurt me the most of your next regeneration: he forgets, on purpose… —we were quiet another moment. This time he was the one who started to talk.

—What about you? Will I ever see you again?

—I don't know that…I wasn't in the series, I don't know how I've affected to your story, I don't even know that if the fact that I exist in this world will change the future. I thought that I would never see you again, but here you are. But I'm happy, I know that, even though you are closing a chapter of your life, in the next one, you are going to meet wonderful people to whom you are going to change their lives fully.

We were quiet again. I had stopped crying and I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't.

—Are you going to say goodbye to Rose now, right?

—Yes…

—Will you go a few days before you first met, won't you?

—Yes…

—She won't know you, you know that, right?

—Obviously—he said with a sad smile.

—How are you feeling?

—Not well…

—I guess this is my last chance to tell you that… that you were, are and will always be my doctor. For me, the Doctor, what the Doctor represents, is you right now: your values, how you are, your sense of humor. You. I missed very much this regeneration and I will miss you a lot, especially because I know you will never be you again… And now, since it's my last chance, I guess this is the time to do something I've always wanted to do. I'm going to kiss you, I'm telling you so you know it. You don't have to kiss me back, in fact, I know you won't. Although you kissed Madame de Pompadour back… Well, enough of this.

I took his face with my hands, I closed my eyes and I kissed him. And, for my surprise, he took my waist and kissed me back. It wasn't a long kiss, or passionate or full of love. It was a simple, tender, and short kiss. We separated, we looked at each other and we smiled.

—Remember, clever boy, never stop smiling.

He went inside the TARDIS and I went back to Torchwood. Jack was there and I explained to him that I bumped into the Doctor. That he had come to say goodbye and not much more. We were both sad, we knew we wouldn't see him again, at least with that face.

Jack and I had been more or less together for some months. I say more or less because we never established clearly which kind of relationship we had. We were just happy having each other close. He had become a great support to me and, as you can imagine, we hadn't found any way to bring me back to my world. In fact, I had lost all my hope. Now, that was my daily life and it looked like it would be like that forever. I was finally happy, even if I was always afraid of awaking and finding out that some alien species had conquered us or that during the night the daleks had attacked us again. But, apart from that, everything was alright. We had a normal life, well, as normal as it can be working in Torchwood, obviously.

If you are wondering if I ever saw the doctor again, yes, I did, but it was some years after. I was already forty, I had my first wrinkles and some white hair. Jack grew old with me but we didn't know, well, he didn't know, how everything was going to end. We continued working at Torchwood although we were leaving the field work for the younger ones. New generations had come to help us. I didn't expect to meet the doctor again, I thought that had been the last goodbye, but it wasn't the time yet.

I remember quite well that day, as all the days I saw the doctor, which I can count with the fingers of one hand. It was summer and sunny. I was sitting in a bench of a park reading and resting when, suddenly, I heard a voice that I recognized in a second.

—Hello, Olivia—I had in front of me the eleventh Doctor smiling at me. He sat next to me while I was looking at him surprised.

—Doctor! I didn't expect to see you anymore. Look how young you are and I don't stop growing old—I joked.

—You look the same as the last time for me—he said with a smile.

—I see you haven't lost your smile.

—You asked me not to do it—this time I was the one who smiled—in which point are you now? I mean, what have you lived?

—I've just… I've just said goodbye to Rory and Amy—he said with that sad look that I knew so well.

—I'm really sorry… —I said sorrowful. I knew the Doctor was having a really bad time. It was not just saying goodbye to his companions but saying goodbye forever—how are you?

—I've been quite bad, but now I've found something to focus on: I'm looking for the impossible girl.

—The impossible girl, hmmm, interesting… Can I ask you a question?

—Why do you always ask permission to ask me things?

—Because they aren't nice things most of the times—I said plainly. He laughed and made a signal to go on—Amy and Rory… Did they know anything about me? Or… Rose? Or about any of us?

—No—he said looking away—I never talked about you. About anyone. They knew little about my last regenerations. It was too painful, I couldn't stand it. Just thinking about it was too much for me. I guess I do tend to forget, it's easier and it hurts less—we were in silence for a while. It was curious how many of our conversations were full of silences. But they weren't awkward silences, on the contrary, they were pauses in which we thought and we felt closer one to the other.

—Can I ask you another question?—I said eventually.

—Shoot.

—Don't get mad but, why did you get marry to River Song?

—I know in whom you are thinking and why you are asking it—he said. We were quiet for another while and then, slowly, he continued with the answer—the way of loving them is different, I don't love River in the same way I love Rose… let's say that I got used to love her.

—What do you mean?

—With Rose, everything came out from the complicity that we had, I loved… I love her from the bottom of my heart—I saw how a shadow of sadness went through his eyes—and with River, after spending all those nights together after getting married, let's say I got used to love her as an answer of what she felt for me… It doesn't mean that what I feel for her is not real, I love her too, and a lot. But it is different…

We were quiet for a long time watching the kids who were playing in the park. I didn't have any other question. Finally, he was the one who broke the silence.

—Olivia, have you seen my death?

—Your death? No. In fact, I haven't seen the end of the series, I don't know how your life will go on—I said shrugging my shoulders.

—What do you mean?—he asked confused.

—Well, I told you that if I know so many things it's because in my dimension all of this is a TV series. When I came here, the last season wasn't finished and it didn't look as if they were going to finish the series soon, or at least that's what it seemed to me. So I don't know how the end of your life will be or if there will ever be an end.

We were quiet again, this time for a longer time. It was weird for me talking to him but, at the same time, everything was so familiar. I knew he was the doctor but I also knew he wasn't the same one I met. But he wasn't either an unknown person because I knew him because of the series. Everything was weird altogether. And then, something came to my mind.

—Will you do something for me? Will you come back to tell me all the adventures I don't know? All the companions I haven't seen? All the running and all the speeches, all hellos and all goodbyes?—he smiled sadly before he answered me.

—I don't know if I'll have as many adventures as you think. This one, I'm afraid, is my last regeneration. Or do I have any other left?

—I have no idea—I lied with a smile that he returned more encouraged—I'm going to ask you a last favor. I'm going to write you a letter and, if it comes a time when you have to say goodbye to the impossible girl, now you know you will find her, if this moment arrives and only under this circumstance, you will read the letter, ok? Will you make me that favor?

—It doesn't look hard to keep.

I smiled, I took paper and pen from my purse and I started to write the letter. It wasn't too long but I told him everything I wanted to say. I bent the paper and I gave it to him while I asked him if he would go to say hello to Jack.

—No.

—Why?

—You told me this regeneration wouldn't see him again, no one.

—You're right—I answered sad—what do you think about the way I handled knowing the future and not saying anything?—I asked to change the subject.

—Pretty well, pretty well. You didn't say too many things. By the way, speaking of him, how is Jack?

—He is great.

—Does he grow old or…?

—Yeah, by now he is following the cycle of a normal person and he looks as old as he is.

—Will he die?

—Spoilers!

—Every time River said that, I thought about you—he said with a smile.

—Yes, that was my mistake, I didn't think that saying it then it was also a spoiler—both of us laughed with that thought. It wasn't so funny, but I guess that we just needed to laugh.

—It's been long since you've been in this world, Olivia, don't you miss your family and your dimension?

—Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It's weird. I spend months happy, truly happy, living in this dimension, with Jack and Torchwood, used to this country, to the aliens and to this life. And, suddenly, one day I'm not able to get out of the bed and the only thing I do is crying and crying and crying and I think about my parents, who might think that I've been dead for years, about my friends, about my family and about everything I left behind…But Jack is always there, by my side, he hugs and hold me between his arms until I stop crying, even after I stop he's still there with me. It doesn't matter how long it takes. He knows that's the only thing I need, him by my side. I know I will never be able to come back to my home and well, now, home, means Torchwood.

—He will live more than you.

—I know—I said sad and looking away.

—What about him? Does he know it?

—He senses it…

We were quiet a bit longer. We didn't know what else to say. The Doctor, in the end, had become my friend too, a big friend despite not having talked too much, and I like to think that I was a good friend for him too.

—It's time to go—he said breaking the silence.

—Will I ever see you again?

—Don't make me go through this conversation again, I had it once in a bay far away from here and I don't want to repeat it.

—I'm sorry, I quote your life unconsciously—I said with a sad smile that he returned, also full of sadness.

—I don't think we'll ever see each other again, I have plenty of things to do and…

—You have a time machine—I interrupted him—you could do everything and come back just an hour after this talk.

He didn't say anything but he didn't have to, I knew the actual why.

—You won't come back because you're trying to forget everything that happened here, in Cardiff. It's still too painful. It reminds you of her and of everyone you left behind. Don't worry, I understand. At least… At least will you come back so that I can say goodbye one last time before I leave forever?

—That, I can promise—he said with a smile.

He left and that was the last time I saw the Doctor. The last goodbye. The only promise he made me and he broke was the last one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jack was sitting in the armchair of the nursing home. He went there soon after turning 80 years old. He and Sara went there together, although she could have waited some more years. It was two years ago, but for Jack it seemed like centuries ago. It was a Sunday afternoon. They were about to get the dinner. The room was full of families who came to visit their older siblings. Jack and Sara never got any visit. They had no one to visit them. But that day was different. He saw one of the nurses talking to a man in his fifties and who pointed at him. That guy looked like a magician from a circus with those clothes. He was thin and his hair was grey. The man walked towards Jack and sat in the armchair next to him. Jack didn't need to ask him who he was, he recognized those sad and old eyes.

—Hello, Jack.

—Hello, Doctor. It's been a long since the last time. How many regenerations?

—Two—he said with a tired voice.

—I like this new face, I couldn't have stood seeing you younger than me. Well, much younger 'cause it's obvious who is… well, who looks older—they both laughed together.

—Where is Olivia? I asked about her too, but they told me that she disappeared. Is it what they tell you so you don't think much about your moment?—the Doctor smiled while he expected the same reaction from his friend, but he was confused seeing that, suddenly, he got serious.

—No. She disappeared.

—What do you mean?—the Timelord asked puzzled.

—Last week, she left like she came. We were in the bus, they were taking us to downtown to see the Christmas lights. She was sitting next to me. A white light appeared from nowhere blinding us for a moment and, when it went away, she wasn't by my side anymore.

They were quiet for a while. Both were sad and they didn't want to talk again.

—I promised her I would come back one last time…—the Doctor stopped talking again and it took a while before he spoke again—was she happy?

—I hope so… At least, I was happy with her.

—She loved you. She never told me, but I knew it just looking at her—Jack smiled, a sad smile, full of memories.

—I loved her too… We had a good life together, even though we didn't start a family, but we managed well together. She said you wouldn't come back.

—I wouldn't come back with my previous regeneration. In fact, I thought that would be the last one, and here I am. But she knew that I still had this face, she knew I would regenerate one more time, she said so in the letter she made me read after Clara left—Jack looked confused—oh right, you haven't met Clara… She was a great girl, her eyes were too big, but a good girl. You would have liked her—he said smiling—in the letter, she said that she knew about this regeneration but that she couldn't tell me. I get it, if not, Trenzalore would have gone really differently…— Jack looked him again without understanding a word—sorry, I forget that you have no idea of this, I have plenty of stories to tell. I'd promised her that I would tell her all of them…

They were quiet again. Both were looking at the floor. They looked like two normal old men tired of living. And, in fact, they were. This time it was Jack who broke the silence to ask him the same question that has been in his head for a long time:

—Doctor, will I die?

—She was the only one who knew it… It's curious, we talk about her as if she were a fortune-teller…—said the doctor smiling.

—In a way, she was. She knew the future and I f she said it, it would happen—answered the younger one smiling too.

—But she is not here anymore…

—But she is not here anymore—repeated Jack. Both men stared off again into space. It was weird for them how the conversation didn't stop shifting from sad to happy. They were like two friends that remembered stories and adventures from their younger lives: full of happiness but at the same time of sadness and homesick. Both had lived a lot and they had met a lot of people who were just a memory.

—I guess that now we can do whatever we want to.

—I guess so—repeated the Doctor.

—Then, you don't know if I'll die?—asked Jack again—she said you did know—the Doctor smiled after that last answer.

—Maybe… But I'd prefer not to talk about that, it's too sad. I don't like to talk about death, when the moment arrive, you'll know what you have to know.

—Now you speak like her—the doctor smiled again remembering all the talks he had with that girl from another dimension.

—She influenced me, in some way. I don't know how to explain it, it's weird… I would have liked to discover what happened, how she could travel between two dimensions. I've been investigating all these years, but I didn't find anything anywhere, what this girl did is impossible…

—What would have you done if you had discovered how to travel between dimensions? Would have you visited her?—the doctor didn't need to ask who he was talking about.

—Not… But at least, Id knew that, in the last moment, I could say goodbye…

—Why not?

—And breaking into her life again? After all the effort she would have done to get used to her new life? That would be selfish… and when I left again it would be even more painful…But it's getting late, I'd better go—he said standing from the armchair.

—Will you come back?—asked Jack—I don't usually get any visitors, and it's good talking with some about other things rather than pills or how beautiful their grandchildren are—the Doctor laughed.

—I don't know how humans stand this life, I wouldn't be able—this time it was Jack who laughed—But yes, of course I'll come back, this time there is no one who says that I won't—he said winking at him.

Both laughed and then were quiet for a while thinking about that girl that arrived and left in a strange way but that have left an unforgettable trace in their life.

—I will miss her, she was a great girl—said the doctor before he left.

—I know.

And after this short visit, the Doctor went without having any idea of what expecting about the future.


End file.
